Coming home...

Alright, so today Beckie and I went to Cambridge and had a fabulous time, but I'm actually not going to blog about that right now. Maybe tomorrow I will tell you all about the multiple people that I saw fall into the river or faking our way into St. John's college :)

Anyways, I realized that there is something that I should probably get out there before I come home.

These last 5 months have been the most amazing months of my entire life. Yes, I've been living in England and have seen various parts of Europe; I've seen historical things and funny things and beautifully gorgeous things. But that really hasn't been the best part. Not by far. The best part has been getting to know myself. Being myself outside of the context of everyone I have always known and loved. Don't get me wrong, I'm still me. But these five months have helped me discover so much more of who I am - what my identity is in Christ, who God is to me, and the woman that I want to be.

I have spent the last 5 months learning to live outside of the box. Or rather, I have spent the last 5 months figuring out how to break out of my box. I have been forced to live 24/7 outside of my comfort zone in this strange place where every single person I talk to knows instantly from my accent that I am different. Where even the grocery store shelves look vastly different from what I am used to. This place where I have no car to get around in.

People always ask me if I feel lonely here. And the truth is that, while yes, I have had my moments, no, I'm not lonely here. Not at all. I have learned to be wholly ok with myself. I have learned to love my space, love my quiet time, love just hanging out with God. I have learned to enjoy the silence and to listen for the voice of my Creator in that silence. And I have absolutely loved every minute of it.

I am realizing that when I come home it's going to be overwhelming and it's going to be a crazy mess of emotions. So, you should all prepare yourself for that. Because it's going to be a big adjustment for me, perhaps even bigger than my coming here was. To be perfectly honest, I am more scared to come home than I ever was to come here. For the simple reason that I don't want to get back in my "box". I love how God has been shaping me over the past 5 months and I don't want that to stop. I don't want to stop growing or learning or being stretched or listening. I don't want to just pick up where I left off and fall back into the easy patterns of my life before I left. My heart is different now.

I guess why I'm telling you all this, is because you need to understand that I am coming home with a renewed heart. And I'm going to be overwhelmed with everything. And it's going to be hard for me. And I'm scared. But, I'm excited too. I'm excited that I get to come home and do life with you all, all over again. I'm excited to see what that looks like in this whole new context of life in 2009, that I haven't even begun to share with any of you yet. I'm excited to re-meet all of you and see how you have grown and changed. I'm excited to hang out and just enjoy being with you, after all this time apart. It's not going to be easy, but it is inescapable and that is a good thing.

Just please...please, help me stay out of my box. Help me live life outside of my comfort zone. Help me continue to grow and be stretched and challenged.

Ok, that's it. :) I love you guys. I can't wait to see you all in 2 short weeks!