It absolutely amazes me that I am allowed to do this! And live!
I am getting to know Jesus these days in a whole new way, as I have ventured beyond the veil. I have spent so much time with God the Father, God as my Lover, the Holy Spirit as my Healer and Comforter, etc. recently and it has been amazing, but I started realizing that God longs to truly re-introduce me to my Saviour - Jesus Christ. I think growing up in a Christian home it can be easy to take Salvation for granted sometimes. And yet, when I really sit down and think about it, Christ has redeemed me from so much - He has pulled me out of the darkest of moments and ransomed my heart for once and for all. I am starting to see in a new light all of the ways that I have been truly saved. And it's blowing my mind!
I was talking a little while ago with one of the beautiful girls who used to be in my small group and whom I have known since she was a very little girl. We were talking about aspects of God's character and how it is impossible to know God in certain ways unless we experience Him in that way. For example, we can't fully know God as Healer unless we are broken, we can't know Him as Comforter unless we need comforting, we can't know Him as Saviour unless we need saving, and the list goes on and on...
It just goes to show that God leads us through different circumstances and experiences in order to reveal Himself to us in a new way. And as we experience God on a deeper level, our intimacy with Him can also grow. So instead of cursing God when hard things, when painful things happen, we can truly see it as an amazing opportunity to discover a new aspect of God's character that we may have not yet fully understood or experienced.
I have also begun to realize that it goes both ways. Just as I need to go through different experiences to know God more fully and see where I still need to invite Him into different areas of my heart and life, God also needs to take me through certain experiences in order to show me myself more fully. But the really awesome thing is that it's not just about showing me who I am, but who I am meant to be. It's all about seeing myself in the mirror of Christ. Do I look like Him yet? Of course not. But the question I keep asking myself is how do I keep pursuing the heart of God and the mind of Christ?
I hope I don't sound all pious and preachy by all this...the very last thing I want is to come off as fake. My least favourite thing in the world is the "Christian lingo". I hate hate hate it. I think it's exclusive language and comes off as sounding "holier-than-thou" and preachy. But please hear my heart, this heart that has been broken beyond all repair, this heart that has denied Christ in every possible way, this heart that screws up every single day, this heart where I uncover deadly sins every single day that I did not even realize were there the day before... this heart that is so desperate to see God, this heart that has been healed so fully and completely, this heart that has been redeemed, this heart that has been invaded and stolen away so completely. Every day I am distracted by all the pretty things that steal my heart away from God. Every day. But every day I also see God, hear Him calling me back. Calling me away, behind the veil. Beyond the curtain of expectations, of rules, of religion, beyond the curtain to a secret place where I can meet my Father, my Lover, my Friend, my Savior, my Comforter, my Redeemer, my Healer... The veil was torn for me! For this! How dare I sit in the courtyard and complain?!
The veil was torn for you. Will you enter deep into the presence of God or will you sit outside and whine about how God never comes through for you? It's all you, baby. Choose this day whom you will serve...
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