Saturday Love

Today is such a lovely Saturday.  After an incredibly long week and no rest last weekend, it is such a much-needed day to relax and get caught up!  Despite getting up early this morning for the attic-checking guys who needed access to my bedroom (who never actually showed up), my bedroom is spotless, my bathroom is scrubbed top to bottom, my lace curtains are blowing in the breeze of my open window, it's fresh and clean outside, little trip to the mall with Tiffany resulting in a new delish lilac candle that is making my bedroom smell like SPRING, everything is organized, toenails are painted, The Lone Bellow is blasting...  have I mentioned that I love my life?!  Now I get to Skype with my man (hate Skype, love him), get caught up on Revenge, and make some coconut rice with Tiff.  Weekend=heaven.

He Put a Ring On It!

YOU GUYS! I'm getting MARRIED!  This is intense.  As intense as a double rainbow.  Or more.

I just realized that I haven't blogged since before New Years.  Hopefully you're my Facebook friend, otherwise I apologize for the drastic lack of communication.  A lot has been going on.  Basically, I work like crazy all week, sleep all weekend/hang out with Tim all weekend (depending on the weekend), and then do it all over again on Monday.  It's ridiculous.

But, I chose my word for this year and it is: Arise.  More on that later...

The rest of this post is going to be somewhat mushy.  Please be forewarned :)

Also, I got a freaking beautiful diamond RING from the man of my dreams.  Oh. My. Lanta.  I've been engaged for over a month now and in exactly 151 days I am going to be MARRIED to the love of my life.  Pretty much being engaged is awesome/stressful.  Awesome because I love staring at my ring ALL THE LIVELONG DAY.  Stressful because I have to figure out how to coordinate 8 bridesmaids into matching dresses.  Just kidding, wedding planning is actually fun (most of the time).

The biggest thing on my mind these days is figuring out how the heck do I join my entire life to another person and oh my gosh, I have to live with a BOY in 151 days!  For the rest. Of. My. Life.  But seriously, how scary is this?  It hit me tonight (as I watched The Bachelor, please don't judge me) just what it means to get engaged and then married.  Seriously...No matter what, I'm committing to loving this one guy and working it out no matter how crazy frustrated he makes me and no matter how selfish I feel.  He is it.  I'm still wrapping my mind around this.

What does it really mean to commit to loving someone until death do you part?  I know myself and my flaws and I know Tim, but like how much can you really KNOW someone until you've spent a whole lifetime with them?  I have friends who have been in my life for over 2 decades and we are still getting to know each other.  My parents have been there since day 1 and we still don't know each other fully.  We never will.  And yet, I can look at this man with this deep certainty and peace in my heart and know that God brought our paths together.  We have been on this collision course for years.  God has been knitting our hearts together for so long and now it is clear to us as well - this is the one for me.

Every day I am learning more and more how to see and love someone else the way God sees them.  It's a crazy thing, this love.

I realize this is a super mushy post.  I'll add some spoilers up at the top for y'all.  But really, I am just so grateful that the Lord has led us to this place.  So thankful that this is my man.  And so excited to live life alongside him!  What a crazy journey this has been.  And it is only just beginning...my man is slightly crazy himself :)

In 2012, I Moved

At the end of every year I take time to reflect on the twelve months prior, to remember all of the things I experienced and learned, to laugh over the funny pictures, to make sure that I properly close the book on 2012 before I open a new one (see last year's post here).  This year I feel overwhelmed just thinking about doing that.  There is just SO MUCH!

This year I....
Felt stuck and sad
Was sick, exhausted and burnt out
Lost my job
Decided to move to the Middle East
Changed my mind and decided to stay in Canada
Met the man of my dreams (literally)
Moved to the Mainland
Put 5,000 km on my car driving back and forth to Portland, Oregon
Got my dream job about 10 years before I expected it

And those are just the high points!  I learned more this year about listening to the still, small voice of God than ever before.  I spent a lot of time resting, investing in relationships, drawing back from time commitments, driving alone, listening to music, and re-discovering what I want to do when I grow up.  I experienced so much and learned so much this year that I cannot even hope to do it justice in a blog post.  These things are rolling around in my heart and I am still figuring out how to process them all.

Last night as I sat watching The Hobbit with my head on Tim's shoulder, it hit me all at once.  "This is my life."  It looks nothing like I expected it to.  Not even remotely.  I looked up at my bearded man, wearing his hipster toque and smiled.  I was supposed to be celebrating Christmas in Bethlehem this year.  Instead, we spent it with our two amazing, massive families.  It's not Bethlehem, but my goodness, it is such a beautiful thing.  What a beautiful gift this life is.

This whole year has been so very unexpected, but so very special.  The hardest year of my life, by far, but also the best, by far.  God knew.  Last winter when I laid my head down on an empty floor and cried my heart out for clarity and vision, I had no idea what would come next.  But He knew.  He knew what I desired, what I hoped for, what I dreamed, what I needed.  Each Season of this year has been so distinct.  He held my heart through the darkness of Winter, whispered peace and joy to my soul throughout the tumultuous Spring and Summer, brought my passion and fresh revelation bursting to life amidst the changing colours of Autumn.  It is Winter again, but it is dark no longer.  This year has been one of rebirth, regeneration and redemption.  Things that were lost in me have been found again.  The Light is alive and well, gleaming within me.

At the beginning of this year I chose the word MOVE for 2012.  I had no idea how prophetic that word would turn out to be.  In the midst of all the seemingly standing-around, things were shifting by the moment under my unsteady feet.  This year certainly moved me from one place to another.  I started this year in tears (literally), but I end it filled to the brim and overflowing with joy in a whole other place.

When I look at my list of Goals for 2012, no, I didn't complete every one.  I didn't blog as much as I intended or journal as much as I should have.  I didn't take piano lessons or exercise three times a week.  But the things that mattered?  I did them.  And yes, there were days that I hid in my bed and cried because I just couldn't comprehend what God was doing.  But I grew.

And I moved.

I Moved Forward in my relationship with God, my dreams, my vision and my career.

I Moved Out of Nanaimo and Moved In with two amazing girls (in Langley) who daily speak life into me and bring so much joy and laughter to my world.

I Moved Back my opinion of myself and Moved Up the importance of God's voice in my life.


I Moved On once and for all from some things that really needed to just stay in the past.

I Moved Over and made space in my life and heart for new relationships, possibilities and experiences (including one incredible man).

I Moved Up from the hole I was stuck in and stood once more on the Rock that is higher than I.

I Moved In on the dreams and desires that God had long ago placed in me and Moved Into a new full-time ministry position.

I Moved Down some misplaced priorities, and Moved Up others to their rightful places.

I Moved Over and allowed silent and empty space to form in my life, to make room for the Holy Spirit to Move In Me.

I am not done moving yet and He is not done moving in me.  But as for 2013...well, I expect it is going to be one crazy adventure!!  And that, will be a whole other story.

New Adventures

So I just discovered that there is an iPhone app for my blog!! So great! Now I can lie in bed and write up a post as easy as pie!

Anyways, this post is just a little update. After a LONG 3 weeks, Tim came home and it was absolutely amazing (as usual)! Awhile ago we have picked up a deck of playing cards in Portland that featured 52 hand drawn scenes in and around Vancouver. We had the great idea to recreate the scenes (with us in them of course!). We finally started our project and spent some time in Granville Island and Gastown. Gastown this weekend was quite the adventure - we got completely drenched but it was a ton of fun laughing and posing in the torrential downpour!! See below a candid shot as I climbed down from my perch on the streetlight :)

Today we had fun designing our photo blog together. If you're interested in following our adventures check out www.52reasonstolove.blogspot.ca!!

Anyways, my man has gone back to the US of A and it's time for me to crawl into bed and catch up on the last few weeks of Downton Abbey :)

Goodnight my dears!!

Purposefully Driving Away From A Blessing

“God beckons storm clouds and they come. He tells the wind to blow and the rain to fall, and they obey immediately. He speaks to the mountains, 'You go there,' and He says to the seas, 'You stop here, and they do it. Everything in all creation responds in obedience to the Creator...until we get to you and me. We have the audacity to look God in the face and say, 'No.”  - David Platt “Radical”

I have been so very disobedient lately.  I’ve known for about a week that I needed to write this post, but I have been putting it off.  I have not spoken of it, I have not acknowledged it, but it has been there in my heart.

Last week I was driving down 64^th Ave towards the bank to deposit some cash and was stopped at a red light.  A homeless man stood there with a sign.  He looked me in the eye.  I looked away.  I felt the Holy Spirit tell me so clearly, give him $20 from your wallet.  And yet, I consciously, deliberately chose to be disobedient.  The light seemed to take forever to turn green.  The man had walked past my vehicle and I told myself, “If he gets back to me before the light changes, I’ll give him the $20.”  As if he had heard me, he immediately turned around and walked back towards my car.  I again, looked away and kept my hands firmly planted on the steering wheel.  As I drove away, tears began to pour down my face.  I felt the Lord say to me “you just missed out.”  I was a mess by the time I got to the bank.  Full on ugly cry going on.  I had driven away from an opportunity to bless and to be blessed.

A few days later I was driving down 64^th and thought to myself “if he’s there again and the light is red, I’ll give him the $20.”   I had saved it in my wallet, you see.  I knew it was supposed to be for him.  And sure enough, there he was, pacing back and forth with his sign beside the line of cars waiting for the light to turn green.  And somehow, as he looked me in the eye, I froze yet again and looked away.  I drove away AGAIN.  How many times will it take me to learn?  I felt my own heart breaking all over again.

I spent that $20 this week and as I handed it to the cashier in Shoppers Drug Mart, I knew it was wrong.  I knew I was supposed to give it to that man.  Instead, I spent it on nail polish.

My stomach feels sick as I write this.  I am disgusted with myself.  My heart is broken.

I’ve been learning a lot lately about listening to the voice of God.  The last few months have been an amazing journey in hearing the leading of the Holy Spirit.  My deepest desire is to align my will with the will of God, to be sensitive to His voice, and to simply be where He wants me to be.  I’m learning.  All of this is learning.  Especially when I fail.  Big time.

I’m telling you this story because it’s real.  We do this.  I do this.  We know that something is right (or wrong) and we make this choice in our hearts, “No, I will not do that” or "I'm going to do it anyways."  We ignore the signs, the promptings, the still, small voice in our hearts to do something, go somewhere, say something, not say something.  We ignore the warnings of our friends and family.  We shove aside the Word of God.  We rebel against the heart of God daily.  We date the wrong people, gossip about our friends, lash out against our loved ones in hurt and anger.  We walk past the homeless, turn a blind eye to the broken, we look God in the face and have the audacity to say “no.”  I can’t even count how many times I have been with someone and come face to face with a person, only to walk by and a few minutes later turn to each other and admit that we both knew we were supposed to stop and speak to that person, pray for them, etc.  I also can’t count how many times we just kept going.  We acknowledged that we made the wrong choice, felt sad for a moment and made no attempt to go back.

Our pride keeps us from trusting God, our selfishness keeps us from experiencing what He has for us.  Our desperation to control keeps us from total dependence on Him.

And it’s not just the big things.  It’s the little things, the small things, the day to day things.

It’s not just the things that we do, it is the things that we do not do.  Like sitting in my car with the window rolled up and a $20 dollar bill tucked safely in my wallet.  It’s sitting in silence when I know that I have a word that needs to be spoken.  To an outsider, I have done nothing wrong.  But I, oh I know my own black heart and I know that I have sinned.  I used to think when I was a child that adults never sinned because you don't see them being disobedient against their parents (which, as a child, is pretty much the only sinning you do).  Now I know how much worse it is, to sit in silence and know that you are actively practicing sinful disobedience against God Himself.

I think back to the beginning of this year when I chose the word “Move” for myself.  I have stepped out in faith and done a lot of things this year that I never thought I would do.  But I have also failed in many ways.  I have sat still with my heart beating so loudly in my ears and consciously said “No.”  How much have I missed out on?  Can I ask, how much have you?

I write this not to condemn you or myself.  I write it because we need to come face to face with our own weakness sometimes.  Because, it is when I am struck by my own weakness that I discover how great God is.  I can’t do these things alone.  I have relied too much on my own strength, my own will, my own courage.  I have let the fear of what the person behind me will think, what my friends will say, if I speak what is in my heart.  I have allowed myself to doubt, to diminish, to eliminate the voice of the Holy Spirit in my life.

I have missed out.  I know I have.  And I hate that.  I don’t want it to happen anymore.  I write this because I want to be a woman of action.  I want to listening more actively to the voice of God and to be purposeful about obeying His voice, whether it’s as simple as handing a $20 to someone who needs it more than me, or as big as picking up my life and moving across the world.  There are no small things when God tells you to do it.  It’s all big.  It’s all real.  It all matters.

It Is Well

I'm supposed to be writing cover letters right now for a myriad of jobs that I need to apply for this week.  Instead, I'm sitting at The Buzz drinking an extra-hot Red Symphony (be still my heart!) and thinking how ridiculously fast life changes, how impossible things happen in a heartbeat, how one day you wake up and you're on a completely different path than you ever thought you would be.

It's those moments that stay suspended in time, those moments that mark us - the moment you hear that a friend has died, the moment you find out that a family member is in the hospital, the moment your heart shatters to the floor in the face of unspeakable pain, the moment God speaks directly into the darkness, or like has happened to me most recently - the moment an amazing man of God walks into your life and sweeps you off your feet.

I feel like so many of those moments have defined me.  They have shaped me, altered me, caused me to look deeply into myself, caused me to chase after God with every last bit of strength I could muster.  These moments have made me realize just how fickle life can be.  In one moment, one blink of an eye, one *beep* as an email arrives, in the time it takes for a door to open, everything can change.

I'm in this place right now where life is changing at breakneck speed.  I was supposed to be in England right now, en route to the Holy Land.  Instead, I'm applying for jobs in Vancouver, planning a trip to Portland to see my man and realizing just how crazy my life really is.

I'm still discovering why I wasn't supposed to go back to the Middle East, still discovering what happens next.  I'm loving this new season of relationships, even as we are separated by 608 km (not that anyone is counting, right?)  I'm enjoying all the things God is revealing to me in the midst of all of this.

And I am reminded once again of the need to still my heart, quiet my soul and just listen for the voice of the Holy Spirit.  He has this.  All of it.  He has me.  It is well with my soul.

When God says "Stay"

If there is one thing that I have learned in the past few years it is that when God tells you to go somewhere or do something, you do it.  And you do it right away.

Last year, God laid Israel and Palestine on my heart so strongly.  After a season of intercession over this place that I knew so little about, I was offered an opportunity to spend my summer there.  It was amazing, beautiful, heartbreaking.  The people there got stuck so deeply in my heart and I have longed to go back ever since.

When my company closed a little while ago, I was longing for an adventure, determined to do something purposeful with my time and so deeply desired to return to the Bethlehem area.  So, I decided to go back.  Over the last few months I have tried to get myself ready to go.  And yet, something has stopped me - from fully feeling like I'm going, from buying my flights, from feeling peace.  Doors have kept closing in my face, in regards to sponsorship, etc.  I continued to push all this aside and press forward, trying to have peace to match my excitement.

But at a certain point, you realize that you can't put it off until tomorrow - you actually have to buy your flights and then get on them.  Every time I went to buy my flights, I felt such deep panic and anxiety I was unable to do so.  I can't even tell you how many times I've cancelled out of Air Canada's website. So, recently I started paying attention to this.  After a week of a lot of prayer, questions, tears and having discussions with people that I love and trust, I have decided to be obedient to what I believe God is telling me for this season: "stay".

It's harder than I can even explain to do this.  My word for 2012 was "Move" (see here), and staying put is counter-intuitive for me.  I love to be moving, to be doing things.  I love adventures, I love traveling.  I love ministry.  I love new things, new friends, new places.  I love the neighbourhood I was to live in.  I love Palestinian food.  I was more than excited to put my skills to use in a new and exciting way.  But, I also love being exactly where God wants me to be.  I know that I never want to be outside of the will of God ever again.

How much do I trust God?  Enough to move across the world if He asks me to?  Yes.  100%.  How about when He asks me to do the less-exciting, more unknown thing and not go?

I sent off the email this morning that changes the course of my life.  My decision is made.  And oh, what peace comes from that!  What happens next - I have no idea.  This is a new season of life for me and I'm just trying to figure it out as I go along, stay tuned to the Holy Spirit's leading and not get too stuck in my head.  I have no idea where I end up.   I am 100% ok with that.  Like I've shared before, that's the way it has to be.  God has been relentlessly breaking off of me my need to control and need to plan things out for myself.  I'm learning to be ok with being flexible and altering the plan when God asks me to.  I'm discovering that things are so much better when I do them His way.

The other thing I am realizing is that my decision not to go doesn't mean that God doesn't have an amazing adventure for me.  It doesn't mean I'm going to stop moving forward.  It simply means that He has a different direction for me than I had planned.

I don't understand why God led me that way to get me to this place, but I do know that I am learning a lot about trusting Him and His voice, whether it makes sense to me at the time or not.  My heart is simply to be where God is, to be where His peace rests.  He doesn't need my hands in the Middle East, He just needs my heart to be surrendered to Him wherever it happens to be.

This reminds me of Abraham and Isaac on Mount Moriah - God didn't want Isaac dead, He just wanted Abraham to be willing to surrender it all.  I've come to this place with a willing heart and suddenly I see the ram in the thicket - what kind of tragedy would it be if I chose to ignore it?

One of the hardest things for me in making this decision was "what will everyone think?!"  But I have come to realize that the people who know my heart, will support my decision.  All the rest are free to think whatever they choose :)  At the end of the day, God is my judge and I do not answer to anyone else.  I must make the choices that I feel He is leading me to make and not make decisions based on fear or pride.

Thank you to those of you who have been walking through this whole process with me.  I'm excited to see what happens here on out!  Stay tuned :)

I love you all!

Run, Baby, Run by Jason Upton

I've been calling you to go to the city

I've been watching you every day

Now I'm paying for a one-way ticket

For a ship that sails the opposite way

Run, baby, run

My hands release you

Run till your legs lead your heart to the real truth

One way or another you will be going

To obey is such an easier way

Go ahead and run, baby, run

Living Life With Open Hands

I've been thinking a lot about anointing lately.

I remember when I was very small, probably around 4 or 5 years old, something happened that has stuck with me all my life.  My parents were teaching a Sunday School lesson about David and how he was anointed with oil.  They had somehow got one of the girls to play David and they literally dumped a bottle of olive oil over her head.  I remember hearing later about how it took her weeks to wash all the oil out of her hair.

I don't know why I remember that - probably because people don't get a whole bottle of oil dumped over them in church all that often (thanks Mom and Dad for making Sunday School so visual :) but it has always stuck with me.  So anyways, I've been thinking a lot about anointing, particularly this one verse:

Isaiah 61:1-3 "The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favour and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair."

I have felt for the last little while that this is a big part of the calling on my life, but I keep coming back to this one question - what does it mean to be "anointed"?

I don't have the theological background to really pull this apart, but I think that maybe it's somewhat simple, like that girl in my parents' Sunday School lesson - being willing to stand under an entire bottle of oil, for the benefit of others, even though it means you getting greasy and dirty, knowing that it is going to mark you and change you and that you will never really wash away that memory again.  The anointing leaves a tangible residue that others will see and remember for years to come.

I had such a beautiful weekend hanging out with a very old friend and some very new ones - as I was sharing some things I realized that my number one aim in life is to hold everything with open hands - my dreams, expectations, finances, goals, education, job, relationships - none of it matters.  My life is the Lord's and I merely want to live a great adventure doing whatever and going wherever He asks.  How can there be joy any other way?  People ask me what happens after this next year.  Truth be told, I have no idea.  I do not know where I will be, where I will live, what job I will have.  But I do know that it will be wonderful.  I will be obedient to where He calls me.  I will stand for justice and speak on behalf of the voiceless, no matter where I go.  My life is not my own.  But oh, what a beautiful place to be!

In Which I Get Painfully Vulnerable

I guess it makes sense that someone has to be the last one to get married.  I just never thought that that person would be me.  After all, I always love to lead the charge.  Yet, here I am, the last of my friends to find their “better half”.  Sure, I have single friends.  They are just younger than me or don't live here.  As great fun as it is to be the bridesmaid, plan the parties, and compile a list of “Things Never To Do At My Own Wedding”, there is a hole that occasionally stretches wide open in me.

It’s a dull sense of loneliness that sets in when all of your friends have paired up and decide to have “couple’s night” and you’re not invited, because well, you’re not in a couple.  Then there are the feelings of “my feelings can’t quite matter enough” in the face of wedding planning and having babies and buying houses.  And as silly as it is, there are the feelings of being replaced.

Truth be told, I’m a strong, independent, confident woman.  I have a degree.  I had a great start to my career.  I have a fantastic family and beautiful friends.  I have traveled the world, followed my heart, and have no regrets.  I have loved hard, forged amazing friendships and live a life that I would not trade for anyone else’s.  And in a mere eight weeks, I’m moving to the opposite side of the world, literally 12 time zones away, to follow God’s call.  I am more than excited and at complete peace.

But I’m ashamed to admit that I also feel a small sense of relief in moving away.  No longer will I have to be the odd one out.  No longer will I be painfully aware of my friends hanging out together, but I’m not invited because I’m only half.

I think that that is really the hardest part - to feel de-valued because of your lack of something that is beyond your control.  After so many years of being such an integral part of my group of amazing friends, after so much life lived together, I feel like it has come to this – unless I have a man to bring with me, I don’t bring enough to the table.

The good news is that I realize that all of these are Lies.  The Enemy knows my immeasurable worth as a woman, he knows my potential, he knows my capabilities, he is aware of my authority in Christ, and he will do everything he can to convince me that until or unless I have a husband, I cannot be effective or worthy in life, in ministry, in friendships, etc.

I know it’s a Lie, you know it’s a Lie, but the truth is, being in this place is often lonely.  Don’t get me wrong, there is a deep peace that comes from being in exactly the right place and time.  There is also joy, contentment, and many other great things.  But there is also loneliness at times.  As single women, let’s not do ourselves a disservice by pretending that we have it all together or that that big ol’ hole doesn't just widen up again and threaten to consume us sometimes.

I feel anxiety just typing that out.  I’m being very vulnerable here and I feel like women are simply not supposed to feel this out loud.  We are supposed to remember that we have many years ahead of us in which to find our spouses.  We are supposed to focus on Christ and how He is all we need.  We are supposed to remember that we’re content and “it doesn’t matter.”

The Truth is, I do know that Jesus is all I need.  But I also miss what I’ve never had and I am madly in love with a man I’ve never met.

And. This. Does. Matter.

“I know what it feels like.”  This whisper came to me as I was sitting in the Garden of Gethsemane - the place of Jesus’ extreme sorrow and bitter loneliness the night before He was betrayed by one of His closest friends, denied by another friend, and brutally murdered by the people that He came to save.  He came to the Garden with His closest friends for comfort and support.  What do they do, the great friends that they are?  They fall asleep.  (Maybe the babies were just up too much the night before or something)

He knows.  When I wake in the blackest night with an excruciating sense of loneliness.  When I have no Plus 1 for a wedding.  When I show up to a restaurant and have a brief moment of silent panic because I don’t know where to sit because there is no one to sit opposite me and I don’t want to screw up the seating for everyone else.  When I can’t contribute to the conversation about housewifey things and married life.  He has felt what I felt.

Jesus lived His entire life as a single person.  He knew what it was like to have His siblings marry ahead of Him, His friends too occupied with their own relationships and families to bother about Him.  He knew what it was like to be the one without the babies or the wife to walk beside Him.

I think one of the greatest things about Jesus’ singleness is that His life was still purpose-filled.  He was completely fulfilled in His role, and that physical loneliness or sense of separation from people and cultural norms did not hurt His ministry or His sense of worth.  In fact, His ministry was enhanced by it.  I know this and I cling to that truth in the midst of loneliness.

But sometimes, it just sucks to be the one on the outside.  Plain and simple.

So, He turns around and invites me to His table.  He knows what I feel; He has felt it Himself – in the extreme loneliness of Gethsemane and the Cross, where His own Father turned His face away.  He feels this along with me and His heart breaks along with mine.

Please, let’s not pretend that independent, strong, driven women are never hit with loneliness.  The truth is, we do and that matters.  Sometimes, however briefly and even though we hate to admit it, that hole just opens up wide and threatens to suck you right in.

Tomorrow I’ll be back on the horse, raring to take on the world.  I’ll be my independent, joyful, contented self again, excited to be living out this amazing season of my life to the fullest.  I’ll remember how great it is that I can sleep diagonally in my queen-sized bed with five pillows and not have to share my duvet.  I’ll remember how awesome it is that I can watch The Bachelorette and nobody will tease me about it.  I’ll remember how fantastic it is that I don’t have to consult with someone else before making decisions for my life.  Oh, there are certainly great things about being single.

But for tonight, I just need to remember that He knows.  He simply knows.

Broken Cisterns

Love this quote so dearly...

"The great barrier to worship among Gods people is not that we are always seeking our own satisfaction, but that our seeking is so weak and half hearted that we settle for little sips at broken cisterns when the fountain of life is just over the next hill." - John Piper

Jeremiah 2:13 "My people have committed two sins: they have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water."